I placed a pink birthday cake in the middle of my dinner table; anyway you looked at it you couldn’t have seen anything that wasn’t sweet. All around the table, there were sweets—Pocky, jam doughnuts, cookies, pretzels, anything sweet! Toris, Feliks, and I would be eating all of these to no end later, Toris and I knowing that Feliks would tell (or more like order) us to eat it all with him.
And speaking of Toris, he was in the kitchen cleaning up the mess we made with making the cake. He and I had spent all morning and half the afternoon making it and we were now both covered in flour. I looked at myself and decided that I would need to take a bath before Feliks arrives.
I walked to the kitchen and over to the counter where I saw Lithuania—I mean Toris—wiping the counter clean. My eyes widened; it seemed only a few minutes that I’d left Toris to the kitchen and he cleaned it up already. Nevertheless, I smiled and told him that I would just take a shower and chage before Feliks comes over. He said he’d do the same and we parted ways.
I looked at myself in the mirror, turning this way and that, making sure that Feliks wouldn’t badly criticize my choice of attire for tonight. I wore a simple light pink button-up dress that had no sleeves and went down to mid-thigh, pairing it with white flats. My (h/l) (h/c) was pulled into a simple ponytail and my face was only powdered to give it that natural look.
Satisfied, I went downstairs to find that Toris and Feliks still weren’t here. A bit worried, I took my smart phone out of my pocket and dialed Toris’s number.
Toris had my feet almost out the door when his phone rang. It distracted us both and enabled me to escape from his iron lock. I ran to the opposite wall as Toris answered his phone. He gave me a concerned look before he spoke.
“Hello, ____?” he said, and immediately, my heart rate spiked, just hearing her name. I tried to control the blush on my cheeks before Lithuania could see them. “Yes, we’re fine. It is just that Poland refuses to cooperate.” He sighed.
“I am not, like, refusing to cooperate. I just totally don’t wanna go. I mean, it’s, like, a waste of time.” I froze and thought for a moment. Why did I say that? Did I mean it? Did ____ hear? Oh, man, what would she think of me right now?
Toris stared at me wide-eyed, complete shock written on his face. That was all I needed to see to know that ____, the love of my life, heard what I had said.
I pushed Lithuania aside and ran out the front door of my house.
I needed to get to ____’s place.
I needed to apologize.
I froze in shock with the phone still pressed to my ear. All I could hear was one sentence.
“I mean, it’s, like, a waste of time.”
Sudden, unwanted tears pooled in the corner of my eyes. I wiped them away feebly with a shaky hand. I wanted the tears to stop, but they wouldn’t; they just kept falling and falling—on the floor, on my dress.
On the other line, Toris was silent. He hadn’t said a word since Feliks said what he said. I didn’t even want to think about it anymore.
The preparations Toris and I had made for this day…
The cake we put so much love and effort into making…
The feelings that were about to explode from being bottled up for so long…
All of it, gone to waste because of just one sentence.
The dam broke free and I openly sobbed, letting my phone fall to the floor as I covered my face with my hands. My body was shaking and my heart hurt thinking about how my feelings were just “a waste of time”.
Moments later, there was a pounding on my door.
“____! Open up!” someone on the other side said; I looked to the door. “____, it’s me, Feliks! Like, open up, or I’ll have to, like, break this door down.”
I banged on ____’s door, wanting—no, needing—to get in. I needed to apologize. I needed to say I was sorry and that it was so wrong of me to just say those words out loud without knowing just how hard the people I loved worked on it. “Open up, ____! Just, please, like, open up!” I kept screaming to the door.
A minute later, the door swung open to reveal ____’s tear-streaked face. My heart was shattering into tiny little pieces, knowing that I, the person who loved her most, caused those tears to fall in the first place.
Not thinking that much, I took her arm and pulled her to my chest, plastered with sweat from the run from my house to hers. I didn’t care much, though, and I hoped she didn’t either.
“____, I am so sorry,” I muttered into her hair. “I just wasn’t, like, thinking and suddenly just said it out loud. I, like, totally didn’t mean it.” I pulled away, took her chin with two fingers and made her look into my eyes. “I would never, like, say something like that to you.”
Looking like she might cry again, ____ bit her lower lip and nodded, turning her gaze away from me. My heart broke again, feeling that I deserved it. I mean, what else would I get after saying those things to her. I sighed and tried to control the tears that were threatening to show. I swallowed the lump in my throat as ____ and I stood there, out on her front porch.
My heart was thumping loudly, echoing inside my chest; Feliks had never been that affectionate towards me and I was surprised at the sudden move. But what he said still echoed in my heart and stabbed it repeatedly, making my heart bleed at the sheer thought that he might not want to be my friend anymore. Yes, I had wanted us to be more than just friends for almost a year and a half now, but I was just too much of a coward to tell him that. And now, as we stood on my front porch, I didn’t know what to do and another thought echoed in my mind.
Should I tell him, or not?
I tried to weigh the pros and cons, but my heart just wanted to free these constricting bonds my feelings had wrapped around it. So I went with that.
Should I tell her? Should I not? What do I do? Were the thoughts echoing in my brain as sadness gave way to nervousness; I wanted to confess my feelings, but I didn’t know how—Should I get down on one knee and say it? Should I have brought flowers? Should I have prepared a song to sing to her? Or should I just not say it? I internally groaned; What do I do?
Suddenly, I heard ____ cough in front of me. I whipped my head toward her and saw her face getting red. She wouldn’t look me in the eye. But even if her face still had those tell-tale lines and her dress was tear-stained, she still looked beautiful; I felt myself turning red.
“Um, Feliks?” she almost whispered.
“What is it, ____?”
“Uh… Wszystkiego najlepszego, Feliks, and…” She had trailed off.
“’And’ what, ____?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“K- Kocham cię, Feliks,” she said. She said it softly that I had to strain my ears to understand. But when I finally got what she was trying to say, I smiled, realizing that she said the exact same thing that I had been wanting to tell her for almost two years.
“I love you.”
Without warning, I cupped her face between my hands and said, “Kocham cię, ____. Like, forever.”
I kissed her, with only one thought, largely printed in big black letters, in my mind: Best. Birthday. Like. Ever.